Cursive Language

Language speaks in cursive,
Words create its rhythm.
Like the swift pace of a pencils trace as it twists and turns leading following eyes,
blazing a trail entranced by lead’s elegance. As does the slip of a tongue to a lip as to hypnotize the ear.
Eagerly listening for those lyrical notes to wake the silent air.
Desperately clinging to a voice, but through language all is fair.Β Β 
It’s us, our movements, and everything we do, and I’d surmise we know nothing of its true magnitude.
Consistently changing, yet compendious in the end.
I’ve learned you, earned you, on your value I depend.
For even in the absence of mouth, eyes, and ears, in the deepest depths of my mind I will still find you there.

Language aloud, a poetic affair.

A sister thing.

Sisters..They’re a strange species aren’t they. They just vibe in this togetherness. A defender and a keeper. Old souls and kindred spirits. Maybe best friends, problem solvers, in another life. My big sister and I have leaned on each other through life ALWAYS. We have gotten in trouble together, we have laughed until we’ve cried on numerous occasions, we’ve experienced the death of 3 really close friends (this would’ve mentally defeated us had we not had each other) and oh, I may or may not have wrecked her car at 15 years old(whoops!!) And then there’s the craziest and hardest part, we both moved away from home and across the country from each other. She went east coast, I went west coast. Although we talk over the phone daily, I miss being in her presence.

Let me get to the point. The other day I was visiting with her, and I mentioned being short on art supplies for illustrations and that I’d need to wait until payday to get a specific kind. We moved along in conversation and nothing else was brought up on the subject. Well yesterday I woke up to a package at my door, low and behold, that sister of mine sent me a surprise! Guys I couldn’t believe it! Inside were the pens I needed but an even better brand!img_20190215_162039

I called her just shouting to sky with gratitude! She’s the most thoughtful person ever! THEN, a few hours later the door bell rings AGAIN!! What was it??! Another package from my sister!!! LOADED WITH SUPPLIES!! An illustrators wet dream! hahaimg_20190216_140211

I DO NOT DESERVE THIS GIRL!!!!! I really just wanted to take a second on my blog to give praise to this amazing sister of mine. When I tell you all she’s the most giving, selfless, considerate, hippie, flower child, lover of life and all of its people, best mom to her 4 kids and BEST SISTER in town…I’m not exaggerating. She’s honestly one of the most beautiful writers and I’m so inspired by her, her commitment to herself, and her journey to always seek truth. Stacyeliz I love you to the end of the cosmos.

I can’t imagine living on this earth without you.

Not really needed but here a few photos of my sis and I!

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Getting our go-cartΒ  in like 1995, hence our mother’s camera!!!! Our parents quickly sold it after, due to our dare devil attitudes! Guys, look at that bow on my head! Jesus mother!

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My sister finally meeting her niece!
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Our daughters

Thanks for stopping by guys! Hope you all have a wonderful day! I’ll be here sketching away if ya need me thanks to my awesome big sis!

 

Feature photo uploaded from google.

 

Be My Valentine.

Today’s the day.

Today we are telling you, to tell them, you love them.
TODAY.

There is no other day better fit than this day. Show how much you care. Go out and buy something for the person you love. Today, Valentine’s Day.

***

We think a card will do. No, ya know what, get flowers too. A little stuffed bear to go along with those. Gold heart shaped jewelry that she’s in desperate need of. Go on that date and hell, if ya have the means, today, go buy ’em the car of their dreams. Purchase that house, come on get them that boat. It’s acceptable today because our marketing hoax. Get out today and go buy her that jet, buy him that yacht that he’ll never forget. Spend the money, it’s critical you do, cause if you don’t, you don’t love them, they mean nothing to you!!!

***

If you forgot, booooiiii you better get to the store! Not a card, maybe chocolate?? Not even at the door?? Find something, God something, “PLEASE!” Cupid implores! And when you’re driving home with nothing, others left you for dead, you see a flower and pull over,Β  you pick that flower instead. A flower so lonesome, could be presented one handed, but that tiny bloom shows true love, it’s candid. Give that flower, bare petals, no glam. A face will light up because your love is no scam.

Money no need, don’t spend it today. That person is grateful for you, your embrace.

As for this holiday, there’s really no need. Your people already know what they mean. Your happiness, your love, depends not on a day but by actions,your behaviors they’ll sanction, they’ll stay. Hearts and minds bind together and be together they may. Really that’s all we need on this Valentine’s Day.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone, from me, Negative Nancy! Aka Stephanie.

 

 

I love the love but hate the marketing!

Feature photo uploaded from Google.

Monday’s Malcontent Musings

Today I was forced into godforsaken small talk when a woman said, “I’m tired of seeing all this womens rights stuff everywhere, causing problems.”

I looked at her and turned the other way as to not vomit my true thoughts in her face. I made it home as fast as I could, slammed the door shut behind me and screamed(with all my mighty lungs capacity)

“THE PROBLEM WITH ANY WOMEN’S RIGHTS MOVEMENT IS WOMEN THINKING IT’S A PROBLEM!!!!!”

(Turns out my husband was home early and my angry bear-like mentality had him pretty shaken up.)

Stay tuned for next Monday’s Malcontent Musings.

Feature photo uploaded from Google- not creators content.

I deleted Facebook. Finally.

I deleted Facebook and it’s…. relieving.Β  If I could put it in Marie Kondo terms, “That shit sparked some damn joy!!” And I know, I’m late to the game but guys, it’s really nice having that soapbox news feed behind me.

What is it with Facebook?? I’ve been growing tired of the whole FB mentality for awhile now. Like many others I’d use the excuse, “I use it to keep in touch with family” and “I have it to see friends and their children.” But I don’t feel that way anymore because without even meaning to, Facebook revealed things to me that I didn’t want to see about people I loved, especially during this political era.

For the longest time I struggled with deleting Facebook because it IS a platform for my voice in a way and I felt it was important to shine a light on current topics such as: hate crimes/blatant racism, unlawful police shootings involving predominantly black males, school shootings, presidential scandals (proven to be true) etc. Things that are OBVIOUSLY big issues, problems rather. However, the backlash I received just became too much..maybe i’m weaker than what I thought…I’d tell myself it’s time to delete… but how can I justify the personal decision of cutting out this “platform” and silencing my voice for the people that need it, that don’t have a voice. Does the state of my mental health warrant this exit?

THE ANSWER IS YES IT DOES!

Because FACEBOOK IS NOT MY VOICE. A “platform” maybe in a small way???

So I decided I will no longer present my life and my voice on a bickering Facebook news feed. My voice will be heard in bigger places with like minds, problem-solving for the benefit of the people. My voice will be heard where changes are made. My voice will show through my actions, and how I raise my children. I will not give the uninformed my eyes and ears to push their limited perspective on. Nope! Not in my direction. I’ve done MY research and I shouldn’t have to educate an adult about why acceptance, understanding, and LOVE, actually are the end all answers.

I’ve been without Facebook for a few months now and I have a weird sense of calmness. Like aaaaaaa relief. Strange right? So funny that it was such a worry to me, funny that I ever cared that much! And honestly, maybe I don’t care to see what certain people are doing in their lives now. True colors show in weird ways, social media being one of them, even their silence was so so loud.

So maybe I pushed myself away. No..no…. the word is grew.

I grew.

Also, I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw this on NBC4 a few days ago! I’m tellin’ ya…I don’t need one media source to tell me that another media source is unhealthy but….just saying…

Also I watched Marie Kondo’s “Tidying Up”. My house is still a fucking wreck but my mind is as clearer than ever. Thanks Marie!

Feature Photo uploaded from google.

Footage from NBC4.

Serendipity (When California called)

The birds started it.

134, 135, 136 ..lying on the trampoline, dad’sΒ  weed eater brings my back from the clouds. I call to him, “DAAAAAADDY!! WHERE THOSE BARDS GOIN’??” southern accent strong.

“WHAAAT?” He calls.

“THE BUUUURDS. WHERE THEY GOIN’??”..

“They’re migrating west to find warmer weather,” he responds.

“WHAT’S WEST IF THEY FLEW AS FAR AS THEY COULD?”

“Well babe, I’d guess it’d be California. A place that’s always sunny and warm.”

“California huh”…

and the curiosity kicked in as I sat on the trampoline and gazed west.

***

Still California dreamin’ at 22, that place would call to me again through love. A boy, same college, same work, had just moved down the road from me, literally. Call it chance, love, or just life….it was weaving a blanket and we were threads being interwoven.

***

Waaaaay out in Arkansas, where I was born, we were livin’ crazy in love and now married. He asked if I’d ever want to move to his home state where his family was, start a new life, where?? In California.
That evening we sat on that same trampoline together and gazed west.

***

Now 7 years of livin’ here and I set on this woven blanket of life with that same man and watch our children frolic in the waves and sand. California was calling for me..or maybe all along it was him.

And still I’ll sit here on this beach and over my shoulder I’ll glance back East and I’ll think about my dad, those birds, and that trampoline.

Maybe I’ll blame it on serendipity.

 

(Video I sent to my sister in PA)

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My daughter and my husband.

 

 

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Feature Photo uploaded from google.

Also I did already post this but I accidentally deleted it. 😦 😦 Thank you for bearing with me!

 

Adoption πŸ’“

My mother-in-law has always been an inspiration to me as has my husband. They’re both independent thinkers and they love with their whole hearts. A brief event on Super Bowl Sunday has deepened my love and respect for them tremendously. We were getting ready to head home from the small get-together at her house. She walked up to my husband and handed him an envelope. She simply said, “I’ve been holding on to this for too long now.”
We got home and started looking through it and I was mesmerized by this small piece of history. It was the documents concerning his adoption by his father. To not confuse you, he knew he was adopted by his father but he was unaware of the details concerning his separation from his biological father. A mother’s love can be felt intensely through the conversations that took place between her lawyer and his biological father’s lawyer back in 1987.
Long story short, she, who had just become a single mother, was working, and going to college, paid a hefty sum out of pocket to get herself a lawyer with the support of her family. The conversation between her lawyer and his lawyer basically described his mother rejecting child support in order to keep full custody of him..In past conversations she’s vaguely mentioned to me(through the years) that she would’ve been concerned for the safety and well-being of her son and herself if remaining in contact. Although she was fully aware of the difference child support could’ve made for her financially, that was never an option if it meant visitation.

He took the deal. Didn’t have to pay if he would never pursue his son.
Signed, without hesitation and without ever even knowing him.
It was there..almost written in stone.

My Husband was so so precious!πŸ’“

My sweet little dude! I want to pinch his cheeks! Wait! I can! Be right back!

By the time he was 4, his mother was paving quite a way for herself. She was a teacher and had met someone and boy did he LOVE her son. The best part though, HE STEPPED UP. Between their love for football, Zoo trips, Disney world, heart breaks, sporting events, family vacations…HE SHOWED UP. Eventually they got married and I’ll let the picture below explain the rest. (My husband wrote it to the judge on the day he was adopted by his father at 8 years old.) I cried when I saw it.

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Now every year on the anniversary of their adoption day they go have milkshakes. Every.Single.Year.

πŸ’“
May I just quickly add, my husband is the kindest, most gentle human. He is a special education teacher, the most supportive husband, and wait for it…..THE BEST FATHER TO OUR CHILDREN!! He gives his daughter and son his entire heart. He finds meaning in being a father and setting an example for his children. I hope he always knows how much he means to me. His journey is something that inspires me to the core because I can see how he uses his experience to grow. It has made him so beautiful, so caring, so loving.. I’m truly grateful for his dad and his unconditional love for my husband. Now I can thank him for being an awesome grandpa because his grand kids are crazy about their Poppa! Needless to say, receiving that envelope just added a few chapters in my husband’s story that even he wasn’t fully aware of.

This is what’s beautiful to me- I asked Jon if he’d ever like to reach out to his biological father, he with confidence answered, “No way! I never missed out on having a dad. I have the best dad.”
Adoption is so damn beautiful.πŸ’“

On their first date! Those smiles!

Him and his momma!

Milkshake photo taken by annsofieback on instagram

Blocked out.

I’m experiencing writers block and it’s maddening. It’s a first for me and it’s not just affecting my writing it’s my creativity altogether. For myself, expressing my thoughts through art is honestly the most productive and meaningful method of stress relief and self-expression. I hone in on creative-writing because it allows me to voice my opinions in a healthy and unique way. Let me rephrase, writing allows me to SCREEEEEAM and creative writing allows me to say “Fuck.Off.” in such a benevolent manner. It keeps me sane. These outlets are crucial because they contribute to my mental health. This surprise rendezvous I’m having with writer’s block is quite stunting and I’m not going to welcome it without a fight so, I felt the best way to defeat it is to write about it!!! So here I am with my pitchfork phalanges and torch burning words ready to charge this thing like an enemy on the front lines! I’ll get back to you on my progress.😜

For tonight I think I’ll channel my energy into some unfinished illustrations I have been working on. I find these simple projects have been giving me light and relieving some built up tension. To everyone else however, Happy writing and wish me luck! Hopefully I’ll be back tomorrow but who knows! I am after all, the irresponsible blogger.

I wish my mind looked like this clear night!😐
Ok that sunset is nice though.☺️

A Mother’s Intuition

It’s quiet. A little too quiet.

Bath time is lurking around the corner. Im bent over the tub testing the water temperature.
… “AND SHE STARTS THE CLIMB!” I turn with a jerk!! “What the fu.. my thoughts abruptly interrupted. …-“SHE’S GOT NO FEAR, ALMOST THREE SHELVES UP NOW.”- A voice. Loud. Blasts through my mind, almost sarcasticly like a commentator at a Red bull diving event. But why?.. sharply interrupted again -“SHE HAS PROVEN HER DILIGENCE WITH THIS CLIMB!” “Wait!”I think to myself. “This is my damn mothers intuition talking, where is…” -“THIS WILL BE A DIFFICULT LANDING.” -“AND SHE’S STILL CLIMBING.” . Now rushing, I look. My 9 month old son waits patiently for his bath but my daughter, a full blown toddler, out of sight. -“I’LL BE SURPRISED IF SHE DOESN’T BREAK A BONE AT THIS HEIGHT.”….

*I grab him and run out of the bathroom.
“Rezlyn!!!!!”- I yell for my daughter while running to her room.
-“OH WOW, SHE’S REALLY PICKED UP THE PACE. SHE IS DETERMINED TO MAKE THIS JUMP.”
“Rezy, do.not.move!” I yell rounding the cor…
-“HER FORM IS PICTURESQUE.”
“YOU CAN TELL SHE HAS DEFINITELY BEEN PRACTICING FOR THIS ONE.” …” HER FEET ARE PLANTED, AND SHE’S SQUARING UP!!! -“WILL SHE LAND THIS JUMP?!?!”

I enter the room screaming “DO.NOT.MOOOOOOVE!!!!!!!!!!!”
*She freezes in her tracks.
I grab her and we continue to bathtime with no broken bones.

Another day. Another skipped heartbeat. Another time a mother’s intuition is right.

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(And of course I’m going to take a quick snapshot. And of course her bedroom is a crazy mess!)