My Witches

A run-on sentence aka…..my mind.

Nobody: “Whatcha thinkin’ bout, Steph?”

Me:

I can’t pin it
exactly
when I became so lame
but I didn’t know I had the keys to this
and I really can’t blame
anybody
for these silent wars
that are waged
between my brain
in the crevices
my synapses
focus more on staying sane while
they snap back and forth
repeating words
I haven’t said staring
closely at the past and
questioning myself I tread repeating
nothing’s owed to me and people
won’t extend a hand but now
my fingers intertwine with minds that wander near to death where they tell me they’re nowhere but still
trapped inside the heads of
the ones they hear who
suffer in silence they
bleed through the ink
and spread
into certain places on
the paper like…..

violently lovely bloodshed….

transforming broken words
to pages then to books
and then to bricks and then
building up a castle by
binding shavings of
branches and twigs
that point up
to the sky and with me
try to reason
but I’m searching for
the light, something
blinding to try to creep into to zone back into reality to know I’m
still alive
writing in this notebook
are these Witches of mine
telling me to slow down simply
fall into line… into an
infinite nothing sealed by
fragments of time….
shook its hand with a “Steph”
my signature in red
Falling into my eternity a
blissful sleep
with the dead
I’ll lay myself down
Years alone in this bed….
But then..
I hear my voice say,

No, Follow me instead.

Do not listen to your fears,

to what our witches said..

Do not go yet,

but…

follow
me
instead.

Now repeat it all in one breath. 😛✌

ebb and flow…

There she goes
walking past staring crows.
Clocking skulls and crossbones
row after row.
She can feel em’ in er’ blood,
She can hear em’ in her soul,
Keep that good book open,
Keep your pretty mouth closed.

Don’t rock the boat.
You don’t have to think,
just stay afloat.
And listen now girl,
don’t rock the boat
The truth is the current,
Just fight the flow.

In these quiet times,
when the water finds me,
It comes from somewhere else,
Turning pillars as it creeps.
Locked away, confined inside, it still flows apparently….
No matter how I drain the silence, friends it’s anchored deep.

But no no.
Don’t rock the boat.
don’tcha think,
Just stay afloat.
no girl no
don’t rock the boat.
The truth is in the current,
Stay out of the flow.

I floated in limbo there…
like you ask.
Still you cut out my tongue..
got a tight grasp…
Loloba come to collect my bones..
Because I won’t be kneeling down at a throne.

Break my knees,
chain me there,
Ill run until my feet are bare.
I’ll bleed…..only for myself.
Noted every word that you never said..
Every pencil still sharp….
lead broke me instead…
Now locked away and silent
it won’t flow apparently.
I tried to drain the fight for truth
but friends, it’s anchored deep.

So I won’t rock the boat,
but from here I must flee
I’ll jump from the inside
let the current take me
when I don’t return
you’ll know it must be
she drowned herself in truth
out West in the sea.

Shades

Collab with crazy boy, Bharath’s banter. 😃…just a couple of lost and wandering souls…if people had souls..

It’s never about where you sit,
But where you stand.
It’s not always what you hold,
but what slips from your hand.
It’s not about the walk,
but more about the footsteps.
It’s impossible to swim if you’re scared to get wet.

I go up to the mountain,
to bathe in the light,
I dive into the valley,
Disappear in the night.
We soak ourselves in water.
We dance through the day.
Everything is ours,
when we live outside the shade.

Us All Along.

 

I opened the double doors to the outside..

The sun is bright

First time I saw myself in that kind of light…

Backs away further

Can’t bear the weight of that steeple.. 

Fooled the whole time

Thinking I was draped in white

Footsteps backwards away from the people…

No. She’s dark inside..and built by their lies.

No. She’s dark inside…and built out of spite.

I’ll walk away bravely, away from heavy doors.

But my sister is still in there pacing the floors..

I can’t leave her..in there… her beautiful mind…standing in between pews..taking in lies….

She told me, “Stephy just pray…don’t give up yet..Please…..Don’t leave me here.”

I told her,

 “Sister….

………….I’ll be right there..but you’ll have to grab my throat and lift me in the air.”

“and…………… If you need anyone..

I’ll stop my plans…… but you’ll have to tie me down and then break both my hands.” 

She said, “If you need anyone.” 

I said, “I’m here. I’m forever.”

She stood in the doors, I stood out of them…But we never took our eyes off each other. Because we love each other and that’s bigger than religion.

But…

The void became too dark

The bed became too large

The shoes became too big

Walking towards the light, 

was shrouded in the dig.

It was a slow burn that lit a fire

A need to understand

A need for desire..

Hours, days, years, decades, bowing on to her knees, praying to that Almighty Power,  “Talk to me please..”

A lifetime of begging for anything to show..to show..her..you..were..there….pleading, ” God, Help me grow.”

Nothing……silence….

I have to acknowledge that I picked myself up off the ground. Every single time.

I did that…

No one else.

I found the answers. I found the water.

With only myself..

You did the same thing..Stacy.

Alone. And on our own…

 

I remember when she called me..

when you called me..sister. 

The staunchest believer. 

With an unwavering faith.

She called me.. I answered.. 

I heard it in her voice within seconds, the pain.

Tears..Sobbing. Resentment. Anger. Disappointment…Reality…. The loss of…..a god.

The loss of a faith…. A familiar sound..

She screamed, “SISTER!!! NO!! HOW CAN THIS BE?? HE ISN’T REAL!

…………….HE…….DOESN’T EXIST..STEPH.”  

All I could say is “It was you, it was us.”

“It has been us all along…

All along.”

 “Now go walk into the sun and see yourself..”

“ And If you need anyone..”

I cried with her then, the same tears I cried for myself years before…

On opposite sides of the country we ventured into the Same. Black. void.

 

That, I refer to as, destruction for two sisters.

But deconstructing..well that’s enlightenment. and we did that together too.

 

The church still reaches out to her..Me not so much.

 They know the middle daughter is nothing to mess around with…

 But my big sister has a gentle heart. 

They reach out to her, they ask her where she is…They ask her to come back and conform to be re-accepted…She tells them, 

“Friends….Church…. Listen…..I’ll be right there..but you’ll have to grab my throat and lift me in the air.”

“And, If you need anyone..I’ll stop my plans but you’ll have to tie me down and then break both my hands.” 

“But if you need anyone.”

img_3744

I love you big sister. and Thanks Tyler Joseph for creating the song “Jumpsuit “…my inspiration.✨ Here’s to us. Cheers to us. Us all along

 

 

Grow on Me- Reblog

My big sister at https://singingovermybones.com/   wrote this…I feel it deeply.

After deconstructing, I can still agree with the “good book” on one thing-

“Return to the ground because out of it you were taken; you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”

https://singingovermybones.com/2019/06/24/grow-from-me/ 

Grow on Me

What will I become?
Buried under earth, dirt
Consciousness gone, but perhaps a rebirth

I do not know-I cannot say
Don’t ever tell me to believe your way

Our ancestors buried their dead
Curled up-fetal, knees to chest

Hoping like seeds give way to flowers
For a regeneration from the Earth’s womb powers

For us to return in some beautiful state
Where our life is built on the lessons we take

Like those before, let vultures chew to my bones
Strip me right down to my internal stones

Paint me red, like blood from the womb
Grant me the solace of a cosmological tomb

Resting in the form of the way I became
Atoms, molecules, cells, a Name

Earth Water Fire Wind—-stones hold their magic, cover me with them

Maybe earth’s pulse will warm the marrow inside
And evolve me slowly from matter to mind

What will I become?
Buried under earth, dirt
Consciousness gone, but perhaps a rebirth

I wanna go.

I wanna go somewhere
to a place I’ve never been.
I wanna stand on my own
to breathe the native wind.
I wanna break away from everything I have ever known…..
I wanna feel the breeze out there
to welcome me back home.
I wanna hear their sacred hymns
dance throughout the leaves.
I wanna find myself somewhere,
I wanna live in peace.
I wanna spend the rest of my days,
in the meadows roaming around.
My body is aching I’m tired and frankly
I’m lost and don’t wanna be found.

I watch myself as I try to blend in,
live up to these stagnant roles.

Within the inside
Begging to the outside,
I don’t want to get stuck in this mold.
But here I am, in the midst of it all
While my mind, it’s gone every second.
All the while,
I try to keep up,
In the end, I know I’ll regret it..
As much as I want it,
It seems I’m unwilling,
to surrender to the Almighty Else.
Now I’m going to rely and depend on somebody.. and somebody is my own goddamn self.

I’ll take the first leap
I’ll swim beyond deep
From the sea of society.
Find me in the wild-wood,
It flows deep in my blood.
And inside there I’ll die living free..

-🖤Steph 🖤

The Woman and Her Wolf.

Disclaimer: Male Blogger friends I love and respect you all. When referring to “Man” I simply mean the evolutionary growth as a people whole. Not literally men. 👫 This is my wolf calling.

The Woman and Her Wolf

Our eyes are locked,
Bodies poised, standing in admiration of the other.

screenshot_20190601-0803562714011814597521390.png

Neither of us kneel for anyone,
And she doesn’t back down. Ever.
We are strongest of our kind, her and I.

A woman and a wolf…

Somewhere along the path we lost focus and began to wander from one another.
We surrendered as leaders of our pack.
We followed a new societal rule.
We walked with our wisdom suppressed and our fangs hidden in the darkness of our closed mouths.

The pathway foraged by the wise ones before us left sharp and defined tracks to guide us to freedom.
It was the impatient and eager hands of wealth, climbing hurriedly with domination in tow, shredding the earth in a race to the top, destroying each hard earned paw print and dismantling learned wisdom through frantic claws and shortcuts.

Past times prove femininity held a natural power through a deep connection to earth and her creatures. She was born a Goddess, from the beginning. Feeding children by her breast and bleeding red between her thighs, everything screams that SHE IS the literal giver of life, not only from the womb but through her finger tips. She shows tenderness through touch and unconditional love is her by nature.

Growth is inevitable for the woman in tune with her female wolf.
Her knowledge speaks through her walk. Those who are surrounded by her are challenged in their thinking and tested through their living. Through her looks she’s capable of hypnosis and heartbreaking..without a word. She has all the power but she’s been hiding.
It is through my study of women that I’ve come to believe that we experience the utmost freedom through bearing bare skin and offering honest love in the most naked and natural ways to atone for the harm committed against nature’s land through greed.

What could a vindictive Power do to silence her? How could man rid her of the sacredness that she harnesses inside of her from birth. The secret is: They can’t. What is harboring inside of each female is placed there by another woman’s suffering. Tapping into them, she becomes unstoppable.

Her wolf though, they will rob her of purpose by relying on young strength over wisdom. They’ll set limitations in the wild and create a sense of imprisonment. For the woman, Men would create a strict God in their own image by whom SHE shall worship and praise or be labeled as something unworthy. Sharing her wisdom, congregating with her sisters, dancing with one another shall be deemed witchery.
Tear apart her sacred body by holding her sexuality hostage as lust and prostitution make her unholy.
Silence her wisdom through religion.
Break her over centuries to believe a corporate society is flourishing to her womanhood, which in return would cause division between her sisters leaving many women stranded in the depths of submission as if it’s a privilege, all the while deeming the wild ones, the free women, sinners.

Women depend on women to release their aggression in a solemn spiritual sisterhood. Women thrive together and we’ve found no reason to compete with one another when our happiness lies in our village within mother nature.
We’ve been lied to, defeated, trampled over, and left muddy in the back.
Though, in the night we have been observing the freedom of the wolf in her roam, slipping notes under doorsteps, holding hands, and placing stones, rekindling the spirit and chanting healing hymns of passed ancestors over our shriveled hearts and damaged bones.
Waking the wild woman within and summoning her from the farthest, loneliest, quietest corners of the earth.
Through unity we are rising and we will find strength in numbers and now along with our male companions for they too have become aware of the beauty within the natural WILD woman.

Her words through the flames of a blazing fire rise to the highest peaks of mountains and melt the ground under dominating footsteps. Her knowledge sinks religion like a sailboat on the high seas and her beauty itself holds a heavenly enchantment impossible to recreate. Unbeknownst to her, the staunchest believers will question their methods, just as the strongest males in the pack begin to see who actually bears the ability to Get.Things.Done.

She is rising for her sisters and brothers today, in need of her natural healing.
They nuzzle into her chest for nurturing. They lie upon her back for safe keeping. She is wild with every ounce of her being and it draws them to her. Thirsty for her knowledge and yearning for her scent.
To know how she does it…How does she remain so sacred in such a sacrificial world?
It is because She knows her female wolf depends on her awakening and she’s out there growing meek and falling further towards the back..but the wolf feels her woman rising and coming towards her. The wolf senses her presence lingering outside of forest lining, building the courage to come and find her. She feels it. Her woman’s time.

***

Shedding Everything from the outside she walks beneath the branches,
Woman wearing bare skin.
The forest warms its moss under her toes as a welcoming re-acquaintance. She sees her wolf in all her glory, stammering towards her.

Their eyes lock.
Bodies stand poised in admiration. Neither kneel for anyone.
And she doesn’t back down.Ever.
We are the strongest of our pack, her and I.
A woman and a wolf.

But her wolf in woman’s absence has grown weak after being forgotten, neglected. In one heavy limp motion her wolf’s legs buckle and she collapses back into the mud. Woman’s instinct sends her jolting, diving onto her wolf, tugging her fur, pulling her up to her beating heart. Face to Face and Eye to Eye she screams a gut-wrenching howl in agony.. pleading to mother nature herself! She can’t carry the weight of this life without her Wild Wolf!! Crying out unto the trees..With bare feet planted in the earth, with fingers dug deep into the dirt, she inhales her wolf’s weak exhale and the wild CONSUMES her.

screenshot_20190601-080000794783455958373831.png

She clings to sagging fur on a bony snout and in a last effort, with a cracked and ragged voice she grits her teeth and whispers, “rise up.
Slowly and gently her whimpering female wolf leans against her and they locks eyes in admiration, in love, in respect, within their wild… regaining her balance, strengthening her back, and perking up ears. Her wolf is waking and gasping in fury with all the air in her lungs. She HOWLS fiercely to the night!… In the mud, woman and her wolf break free from the grasps of patriarchy and firmly rise up from the ground stronger and louder than ever with a vengeance in view and thunder beneath their feet. In a muddy glory they are ready to reclaim what is theirs. The earth has been calling her females to rise and run free in the wild. Find our way back to our roots and grant ourselves freedom through the run. Her wolf has taken a sprinting head start with gnashing teeth and echoing screams ready to tear down the ones restricting her free run and limiting her open roam while guarding her wild woman diligently.

Connect with Earth’s consciousness through the souls of your feet. Let your hair down and bear your skin.
Your wolf is wild and she’s pacing on the path having uncovered the lost tracks from long ago, leading the way to freedom back to where your delicate, furious, sacred, powerful heart belongs.

Our eyes are locked
Bodies stand poised in admiration. Neither kneel for anyone.
And she doesn’t back down.Ever.
We are the strongest of our pack, her and I.
A woman and a wolf..

With her tail between her legs, she’s in there, leaning into her woman’s wild essence howling, awaiting guidance to journey the path alongside her. She’s waiting for her woman to RUN WILD.

 

 

I Cannot Go to Church Today – Singing Over My Bones

Reblog: Stacyeliz

Women are goddesses of the earth. Nothing can change that, not even someone’s religion. Women are so beautiful, so strong, so independent. I became so much more of all these things when I stepped away from religion. We are not meant to be submissive beings. Don’t believe it. Our minds and bodies are capable of so so so much more. Beautiful post from a beautiful, very intellectual mind. Thank you for sharing your knowledge Stacy.❤️❤️

Now get out there and dance like maniacs under the moonlight. Show em’ what natural beauty is. Live the way you were born to, in tune with Mother Earth and her journey through your wisdom. She needs us now more than ever.

Link takes you to comment section. Scroll up to top. ✨✨

https://singingovermybones.com/2019/05/21/i-cannot-go-to-church-today/

 

 

The Marching Band

Floating like fog in the night,
It lingers.
Banging its drum,
with its frail undead fingers.
On an empty chord song,
marching into our lives,
Grim Reapers gonna get ya,
with its sharp seething scythe.
A percussion so constant
We live fast to deny
You can run boy,
but from death you can’t hide.
Hovering around you,
it surely does exist.
That drummer is coming,
Angel of the Dark Abyss.
In the peak of twilight,
At the stroke of midnight,
To your dreams it will follow,
Draped in a black fright.
Gliding on the roads,
Pacing In our homes,
Dwelling and rotting
deep inside our bones..
Death is present and it takes when it wants.
Leaving nothing at all,
A somber response.
I feel its rhythm,
Telling me ,”Don’t be scared.”
This Angel taunts me daily
Mallets beat to a snare.
For it’s walking quickly with you,
And there’s no turning back
Knees pumping to its chest,
a base building to attack.
Black sockets glaring at you,
A close peripheral view,
Just waiting for the second,
You lock eyes with it too.
And in those last moments,
It takes your heart beat,
Throws it down on its drum,
Continues on with its fleet.
The drum line has begun,
Getting hard to withstand,
And it’s growing louder,
With each beat it claims man.
Let this be a warning,

to those refusing to understand,

your day is coming,

Ye who yield the Marching Band.

mye

deathr
This was my first art project ever my first year of college. And that was like 12 years ago…. My sculpture called, “Ye who yield the Marching Band.” Also I got much better. haha

Feature photo from Google and My Chemical Romance🙄 lol