Inside “The Natural State”
I roam in a natural state
of divine seclusion
where I argue my fate.
Within a foggy illusion
beyond this blurry
mountain range,
I keep focus on a town
drenched in baptismal
acid rains.
And STILL,

I can see much clearly.
Naturally my bones can breathe.
I harness the power here,
I move mountains
Without mustard seeds.
Rising up with the gold full moon
My fingertips trace trunks of trees.
I begin to gamble my own insight.
Where’s the blood?
Where’s Crucifix three?

My childhood…
I can feel its death,
Imprinted through
cracked leaves.
Died, fallen, swept away by floods.
Broken rituals keep me doubting decrees.

It seems
my Witches have
poisoned my faith
using naturally flowing streams,
that wade through holy waters
prayed and poured over
for the sake of my purity.

See now as a woman
I’ve returned here in dreams.
Walked through the same humidity,
used to silence my screams,
Through the smothering
of a tiny towns
religious reality..

Now frozen in this city,
Almost like I pushed rewind,
Same people.
Same beliefs.
I’m arriving home a with different kind,
of midnight heart that
bleeds bright red
like the void inside my mind.
Absorb the cold as i surrender into
the spirals of my eyes.
Hypnotic indeed.
Could replace the sun rays,
golden yellow they reveal every lie.
Sitting in silence,
“God if you’re here,
I wanna see you while I’m still alive.”

Some really don’t get it.
See there is a war.
Our freedom is on the front battle lines
I worship nothing
alone for myself
in sacred ways
in secret times.

This area believes the best are bless-ed be,
believe materials measure their faith.
People here say they see god,
and it’s true once they look at my face.

12 Replies to “While I’m Alive”

  1. Love the feelings of hope and despair you have created all at the same time here, Steph. But favourite line has to be:
    “Walked through the same humidity, used to silence my screams,”
    Now there is a tale all by itself. Fabulous writing 💪💪😀

    Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s fabulous, but sad in a way, to be isolated. As you say it is a journey and if it’s made you stronger then fair play to you. What do they say? “If you are going through Hell, keep going!” I do love your writings and Instagram stuff, keep it up 😉

        Liked by 1 person

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