A Poppy Seed. (Deconstructing my faith)

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Don’t do it for them.
Sharing your life, your words. If they prove to not appreciate your value stop giving it to them. Find yourself without them. Find your worth your way, without their input, their likes, fake comments. Cutting eyes and sharp smiles mask their scowling judgement, riddled with their own insecurities and now on the tip of their tongue aching to break free to next nearest ear, a friend of a friend, who stayed there too, thinks the same as we did in grade school.. Can you blame them though? They know nothing else and they by no means could ever see beyond the biblical realm. So what’s the point in remaining connected? To give them a show? Someone to pass judgment on? Showing myself, allowing them to see..No more. That little dot, that southern spot, on that map, is all it will be. Now don’t get me wrong, my love is strong for few that share blood with me, but those beyond that, they’ll have no stake,no give in MY vulnerability. I’d rather be a mystery.
Religion though, I gave it a go. Given up on a God, I don’t think so??
For 30+ years I devoted my life, a fundamentalist thinking, a living of strife. But I’m now wandering yes, finding answers on my own and it didn’t take long for them to cast the first stone. It was subtle of course, a silent throw, where they’d kill me with kindness while banishing me whole. My existence means nothing and they’ve proven that and if I’m not feeding THEIR beliefs then “THEY’LL HAVE NONE OF THAT.”
I’m sorry I couldn’t be a part of your church, but I won’t teach my children that is where they’ll find worth.  Through experience I’ll thrive and I’LL start living MY life. My feet firm where I stand. Refuse to be trapped, say it again. “Wait? They want my mind??Don’t expand?”
No. I’ll think for myself and I’ll do what I want, why should it bother you when I am hurting no one. No. Me and this God whatever that is, we’re far beyond that, that understanding that is. My faith put in you, but put in me more. I’m the power I need. Surrender to no one. My love needs no glory, it’s worth more without it. This life is my glory, my beauty, don’t doubt it. This experience by law, a learning mold. Without the journey there is no content, no hold.
 So this energy will be channeled into something clean, something good. No need for likes or follows for that to be understood. Like a little Poppy seed we are beautiful to the core, that little Poppy seed that blooms beyond its worn dirt floor. Nurtured there, with its self care, alone, blooms diligently. A sudden bright wild flower glows that everyone will see.
And isn’t it magnificent what we can learn and how our minds can flow when we accept that in the end,we truly don’t know.
So don’t do it for them, but dig deep from within. Your worth is your love. You’re a giving gift.
You are enough.
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My daughter and I enjoying the California Poppies!
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So beautiful and this was taken on my phone.

24 Replies to “A Poppy Seed. (Deconstructing my faith)”

    1. Thank you so much Jim! I truly appreciate your words. Deconstruction and separating myself from religion has been the most honest and eye opening experience for me and I can tell for you as well. Your posts are so relatable to me! Thank you for reading!

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Frank! I do have quite a lot on my mind here lately! It’s almost hard to keep up with my thoughts. Also, I can say the same about your writing. I love the way you think, I truly enjoy reading your posts! Thank you for reading! Have a good day😀

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your words! ❤️ I can tell you, this journey has hurt like hell for sure. But I wouldn’t take it back. I’ve learned through it all, it’s most fulfilling when I’m being honest with myself and living true to my own heart. Thank you for reading, I truly appreciate your words. Have a great day!

      Like

    1. Thank you so much for your comment! ❤️ I have to remind myself to live in the now because waiting for something that may never come is dangerous. This life is bittersweet but so so beautiful! Again, thanks for stopping by and reading!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reading my blog! I have these moments we’re I just need to spill my thoughts, sometimes there’s a little anger involved 😆 I’m so glad you can relate. And I appreciate Every.Single.Like.🤗 there could never be to many! Haha

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